Love is not about possession. Love is about appreciation.
Christmas 2020 – I start making plans, started putting together a list of things that were practical, but also charming and cute, so that he could have a wonderful Christmas. I asked for nothing in return. To make a long story short, we fought, he was cruel to me AGAIN and Christmas ended with us being upset at each other. Valentines Day 2021 – I prepared a huge Valentine’s Day for Radu. I had custom items made for him, gift boxes with his name, I had some of our quotes on the inside that I thought would make him smile. I spent a lot of money to show him how much I appreciated him and simply because I wanted him to have one Valentine’s Day where he felt loved and appreciated. I asked for one thing in return, a love letter, or just words of affirmation from him.
I knew Radu was unemployed and I didn’t want him spending any of his parent’s money on me. And for me, I never needed material items. He never wrote the letter or even attempted to. These items he later received are the source of our conflict right now. I will explain in another post. He never truly appreciated me. He could have handwritten quotes from my favorites book (Pride & Prejudice) and mailed them to me, and it would have meant the world to me. He never really put much effort into doing anything that he thought I’d like. He knew I enjoyed love songs, love quotes, letters, and not once during the relationship did he send me anything. Words are lovely to hear each night, but when he actually had to get off his ass and make a real effort, forget about it.
Never cross an ocean for someone who wouldn’t jump over a puddle for you.
There are times that I sit back and I think about the past, and how all I wanted was for him to see that he could be successful in life, that he had the talent and intelligence already, but he only needed to make a solid effort to get a few doors opened. Had we gotten married, I was willing to support us both while he went back to school for his HS diploma, and later architecture, if he chose to pursue it. I dreamt of him owning his own firm one day. I thought if architecture didn’t work out, maybe I’d open a restaurant and he’d manage it or something. And I’d be a bad-ass restauranteur, not like the idiot owners on Kitchen Nightmare. I always thought about him as more than just the jobless, gamer, who’s suffering from a dual case of laziness and depression. But knowing he never loved me, never truly cared about me, and was willing to toss me away for a “job” that only pays his salary with game currency, nothing would make me want to go through this again.
I was willing to sacrifice so much just to support his dream; while the most important thing in his life had always been his games and the prestige he somehow believes that GOT brings him.
